What are interpersonal relationships? The formal definition is described as an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This association may be based on inference, love, solidarity, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment. In my experience, the 2 things that have either built or destroyed a relationship come down to EGO and COMMUNICATION.
EGO – The ego is a tricky thing. Ego is all about self importance and putting self before anything else. The ego can betray you because it makes every interpersonal relationship conditional to what the ego gets first. This makes one’s world view more subjective and selfish rather than objective with the intention of serving the greater good. In a relationship, if 2 egos are high, they are bound to struggle in making positive progress to build trust, rapport, or respect. Make sure you check your ego.
Here are a few ways to help you “keep your EGO in check”:
- Always assume positive intent – In every conversation, regardless how rough the other person’s communication style lands on you, always assume they mean the best. This is a great way to maintain the conversation positive and steer it the right direction if the other party says something that may feel offensive or rough. Asking a clarifying question can also help. (for example, if someone says “You’re not pulling your weight on this project and now we’re going to be late” it’s easy to take this personally. Try responding with. “Help me understand how I could pull my own weight more? What can I do better?”)
- Surrender control if you need to – Allow the other party take control if it helps the conversation to move forward.
- Forgive and let go – If the other party every offended you or said anything that may have offended you, it may have not been their intent. Seek to understand and try to move past that.
- Be vulnerable and honest with others – Letting fellow colleagues, customers, prospects and even bosses know that you don’t know does not make you look weak. If anything it makes you look human and more relatable. This takes courage and people will admire and respect you more for it.
COMMUNICATION – The second component of having strong relationships with co-workers, friends, partners and/or customers all come down to communication. There’s a famous phrase that talks about “Intent vs. Impact”. According to www.healthline.com, Someone’s intent is what they think or feel during an action or conversation. It’s usually the reason or motivation behind the situation. Impact refers to how that action or conversation makes the other person feel. They might bring up the issue of the impact by saying, “It seemed like you were…” In a nutshell, intent refers to what you thought you were doing. Impact refers to how that action was perceived by the other person. Make sure that the way you deliver your message aligns with your intent and it lands as you wanted it.
Here are a few ways to help you communicate your intent better:
- Remember what your intention is – Practice how you would communicate your message. Consider recording yourself and listen to how it sounds. How would it land on you? Does it sound genuine and sincere?
- Taylor the message to your audience – Understand who you are communicating with and how they respond to your message. Are there any nonverbal cues that are giving away discomfort or trust? Are they crossing their arms or are they relaxed? Are they smiling or are giving you a straight face?
- Listen, paraphrase, show that you are present – To be the most effective communicator, listen with intent to the person you are talking to. Paraphrasing back what you heard shows them you are listening to what’s important to them and this builds tremendous trust and rapport.
- Take a moment to process before responding – Many times in an interaction, the person you are communicating with may say something that may trigger you respond immediately. When this happens, practice PAUSING. Take a moment to understand their intent, process how you want to respond and really deliver that response with class.
How have your EGO and COMMUNICATION affected you when building relationships with others? Would love to learn from others’ experiences
